Five Reasons I Am Already Over Our “New Normal”
As America begins its long overdue reopening, my experiences over the last few weeks are indicating what the near future is going to look like in our “New Normal”, and I am sooooo over it already. Here are my top five reasons why:
- Restaurants
My wife and I were eager to get back out to our favorite local pub and grill, and got the opportunity last week during their grand reopening. Of course, everyone was masked up and customers were social distanced operating at 25% of capacity, but the biggest change was on the table, which was bare. All the condiments were removed and if you wanted catsup, mustard, salt or pepper we were given a single serving in a sealed cup. Our silverware was plastic and delivered in a sealed pouch like you get with a McDonald’s breakfast. For some reason the beer and drinks were still served in real glasses, not sure why these can be adequately washed but not silverware.
- Travel
I took my first air travel since January the end of May and went through three different airports; everything was closed in 2 of the 3 except a couple of the news stores where I could buy a book, magazine or some snacks. The third had a couple of bars open and Starbucks. Just when I though the offerings on the plane could not get any more spartan, we were offered a can of water (didn’t even know water came in cans!) and a small pretzel pack. No soft drinks, and most importantly, no alcohol.
My hotel was no better, with its restaurant and convenience store closed, but once again their Starbucks was open. Of course, all the neighboring restaurants were either closed or only doing pickup. I ended up doing a DoorDash delivery and was able to purchase an $8 beer at the hotel front desk to take to my room. I had another surprise the next evening when I returned to the hotel and found that my room had not been refreshed. I tried to call the front desk to inquire about it, but the room phone had been disconnected. So, after a visit to the lobby for new towels and in-room coffee pod replenishment, the hotel manager informed me that these were all Covid-19 precautions the hotel had put in place. This was a major 4 Star hotel, not your average Motel 6.
- Haircuts
Now I am a pretty easy-going guy and doing without a haircut was more of an inconvenience, but for my wife and daughter, not being able to do their monthly hair and nails has been an extremely painful experience. I was finally able to get my first haircut in over 3 months, and not a day too soon as my hair was approaching high school length. In fact, my wife told me that I looked a lot like disheveled scientist Doc Brown from Back to the Future fame. I had tried to make an appointment via my app the prior three days with no success as the wait time was always over 4 hours by the time I checked. So, I finally set my alarm for five minutes before they opened and submitted my “online check-in” immediately and was booked with a 43-minute wait. I continued to watch the app and was amazed as the wait jumped to 87 minutes in three minutes and continued to escalate from there.
When I pulled up about five minutes early for the appointment, there was a masked greeter standing outside to again “check me in” and I was told to wait in my car until someone else finished and left. Everyone in the salon was masked up, as was I, and it stayed on the entire time until she trimmed my sideburns, in which case I was instructed to unhook my mask from my ears and hold it in place while they trimmed my sides. The services were basically unchanged, except at the very end when my stylist said, “I have to send you out a bit damp because they took our hair dryers away.” I guess they didn’t want to be blowing around all the potential Covid-19 air all over the place.
- Masks
I hate masks. During vacation five years ago, a mosquito bite I received at a very nice Mexican resort has left me with a compromised immune system. As such, I am in the “high risk” category and will be wearing a mask for the foreseeable future. We have purchased a plethora of styles from Amazon, eBay and Etsy; my wife and I even tried to make our own out of some excess denim we had laying around (not advisable).
Side note: I was in the Home Depot recently (see Reason No. 1 below) waiting to return an item and standing on the dot signifying the appropriate social distance from the next customer, when the guy in front of me, both of us wearing masks, turned to me and said “Do you know what 6 feet is?” I bit my tongue and resisted the urge to reply “2 yards” and politely backed up the 4 inches I was apparently short.
Through all this I have yet to find one that doesn’t make me look like Alfred E. Newman. They are hot, uncomfortable and not very attractive. Every time I complain about the mask or other lifestyle changes I have had to make, my wife reminds me: “Honey, this is just our new normal”. She’s right of course, but it doesn’t keep me from wanting to scream.
- Survival (of Covid) is not mandatory
As America, and the world, opens back up not everyone will. The sad truth is that many, many businesses did not survive the “safer at home” business shutdown imposed by overreaching local governments. The definition of “essential business” confounds me as I could go to the Home Depot or Liquor store throughout the shutdown, but churches, service providers and non-grocery stores were ordered closed. I have published two articles over the years on a Wisconsin small business success story called The Barbershop. Having multiple locations state-wide, The Barbershop caters to men and was the poster boy for exceeding customer expectations. I drove by my local shop the other day only to find that they were out of business; they did not survive Covid. They are not alone, and we will quickly discover just how much our booming business economy will have changed from just a few short months of insanity.
Let’s get back to our “Old Normal”
People are smart. Way smarter than the politician in some remote office making decisions to shutter businesses and destroy jobs, all while still getting paid themselves. Let the people decide for ourselves; people in high risk categories like myself are free to wear masks, social distance and stay home if they choose. If they choose. My clients, most of whom have fortunately been able to continue working because of their MilAero or ventilator work, have already made adjustments in their business practices to keep their employees safe. They have updated their Business Continuity Plans to put in place provisions for the next Bio/Chemical threat. We have weathered other pandemics, some worse than this. People are smart; it’s time to get back to work. I’ll end by stealing a line from one of my favorite songs, Aaron Lewis’ Country Boy:
“Now two flags fly above my land
That really sum up how I feel
One is the colors that fly high and proud
The Red, the White, the Blue
The other one’s got a rattlesnake
With a simple statement made
‘Don’t tread on me’ is what it says
And I’ll take that to my grave”